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9 : My Friend And I



Sallie McFague, in her book Models of God, discusses the characteristics of friendship in biblical, theological terms. Friendship does not arise from necessity. We enter into it freely. As such it represents the very essence of divine election in which God chooses to enter into relationship of friendship with Israel. Friendship is based on a disinterested love for the unique characteristics of the other. Friendship forms strong bonds and the betrayal of a friend ranks as the most dastardly of deeds. She points out that Dante reserves the inner circle of Hell for Judas, Brutus, and Cassius. (Ford, 73-74)




9 : My Friend and I



But as powerful as a healthy friendship can be, the flip side is also true: Certain friendships can be mentally and emotionally draining if they become too much. For example, the friend who gets weirdly jealous or possessive when you spend time with another friend, or the roommate who constantly wants to confide in you but never listens when you need to vent about something. These overbearing friendships can take a toll on your happiness and emotional health.


At some point, you may feel that you and a friend don't connect anymore, whether you find you have less in common or feel they're treating you differently lately and are subtracting from your life more than adding to it.


Like a romantic relationship, you may know it's not working out, but when it comes time to breaking up with them, it's easier said than done. However, sometimes, there are signs it's time to dump a friend.


Place said the common theme in working friendships is having a friend who leaves you feeling supported and cared for. "Occasionally, friendships go sour, and it's incredibly hard to cut off a friend, but keeping a toxic friend around is draining," she said. "In the long run, it's better to cut ties, and find people who appreciate and support you."


Any type of relationship should be a two-way street, whether it's a platonic, familial, or romantic one. But if you find that a certain friendship is consistently one-sided, it may be time to say goodbye.


"In friendships, there are minor and major betrayals that injure trust," Melody Li, an Austin-based licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), relationship specialist, and co-founder of the Austin Counseling Collective, told Business Insider in an email.


Along the lines of being able to trust your friend, you want to make sure that they keep private things private, according to Jill Whitney, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who writes about relationships and sexuality at KeepTheTalkGoing.com. "You need to be able to trust your friends to respect your confidences," she told Business Insider in an email.


Many things you talk about won't be especially private, she said, and then it's probably fine for your friend to share those things with other friends. "But when you make it clear that you don't want a specific thing shared, any decent friend will honor that," Whitney said.


"If you have a friend who is consistently negative without making efforts to change, it may be time for some distance," Place said. "Most people are compassionate and empathetic of others, especially friends, but you must take care of yourself first and foremost." She said if a negative friend is bringing you down, it's reasonable to spend less time with them or take a break from them altogether.


Sometimes, friends drift apart, whether you have less in common or life circumstances have changed. If you have little or nothing to talk about anymore, it may be a sign your friendship as you knew it has come to an end.


"You and a perfectly nice friend can just drift apart," Whitney said. "You may have been close at one point in your lives, but now your paths have diverged so much that when you get together, it's awkward."


To save the friendship, Whitney suggested, talk about how your lives have changed or focus on an activity that both of you still like. "But you may decide to invest less time in that friendship instead," she said.


Place advises to ask yourself if this friendship is actually mutual and supportive, or if you're just being drawn into the amusement or drama. "And, sooner or later, you'll become part of the chaos versus just a spectator," she said.


There will be times when you have to say "no" to a friend, whether it's regarding weekend plans or doing them a favor, and it may not be easy. Place says it's important to see how they react when you have to say "no."


"Sometimes, life happens and you need time for yourself, and that's okay," she said. "If your friend gets salty about you taking this time for yourself, that's not a healthy dynamic. A friend supports you and understands when you need to take time for yourself versus making it about themselves or being passive-aggressive."


No friendship is perfect, and you and your friend should be able to voice your concerns when one of you feels hurt or needs to address a problem. However, if you can't, there may be a problem within the friendship.


She said a sign of a quality friend, however, is that they may not agree with you on something, but they will hear you out respectfully. "They'll care about your feelings and perspective," she said. "But friends who can't have a balanced conversation about problems in your relationship may not be friends worth keeping."


"If you find that every time you've been with a certain friend, you feel worse afterward, take a good look at what's going on," Whitney said. She said to consider a few factors: Do they constantly compare you negatively to themselves or other people? Do they consistently point out your faults? Do they mock you, maybe in an "Oh-I'm-just-joking-but-still hurtful" way?


The Find People app is a great way to find people who are important to you and share your location with them. If friends and family members use iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, Apple Watch SE, or Apple Watch Series 4 or later, and share their locations with you, they appear on a map, so you can quickly see where they are. You can set notifications to alert you when friends or family members leave from or arrive at various locations. See the iPhone User Guide for information about setting up the Find My app on your iPhone.


Just like typically developing children, children with additional needs like developmental delay, disability and autism can build friendships and healthy school relationships from shared interests. If you encourage your child to follow their interests, this gives your child a chance to meet other children who enjoy the same things as they do.


Bokhorst, C., Sumter, S., & Westenberg, P. (2010). Social support from parents, friends, classmates, and teachers in children and adolescents aged 9 to 18 years: Who is perceived as most supportive? Social Development, 19(2), 417-426. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-9507.2009.00540.x.


We remember that Your son Jesus said that we will have trouble in this world, but He has overcome the world. Therefore, l bring my friend before You and l thank You for overcoming the troubles that she is facing at the moment.


Having a big house, wearing designer clothes, and driving a luxury car are essential life goals for one of my friends. His pursuit of these material acquisitions is more important to him than pursuing God.


As a child, a friend of mine went to a strictly religious school. She was taught Old Testament stories describing the wrath of God, genocide, and general debauchery. Since then, she has been afraid of God.


This dilemma that l see in my friends is something that personally breaks my heart. I think that many of us can relate to this. Some of us have even personally experienced it ourselves before we knew the love of Christ.


Precious Father, please meet my friend where he is at, in the midst of his doubt and self-condemnation. Thank you that where he sits in the dark, You are a light that pulls him into Your loving embrace of eternal life with You.


First, consider that your friends may not be purposefully rejecting you. For example, if your colleagues ended up grabbing a drink after work without you, maybe the decision was spontaneous as they were walking out of the office. They may not have intentionally made plans ahead of time that excluded you.


Action Tip: A fear of being alone can be a common cause of clingy or attached behaviors. If you think you might be acting a little clingy with your friends, read our article on How to Not Be Clingy: 9 Ways to End Neediness in Relationships


Pro Tip: Magnetizing a circle of friends comes down to improving your people skills and becoming more likable. If you want to be more popular, try these 16 Science-Backed Tips to Attract Friends.


Friends who regularly leave you out of their plans may not be the best friends to have. If you start to notice signs that your friends are toxic or you have a lot of fake friendships, try redirecting your energy into more fulfilling new relationships.


Many of my friends are people who like to read. I pick books that span poetry, short stories, novels or personal essays and ship them to friends who will read and think about that work deeply. That includes Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to A Young Poet, Fenton Johnson's At the Center of All Beauty and Thomas Hitoshi Pruiskma's The Kural.


My friend offered to come for tea at the [assisted living] facility that my parents moved to recently. It's not a pleasant place to visit, but I have to spend a lot of time there and I usually leave feeling sad and frustrated.


To truly preserve intimacy [in long-distance friendships], I've learned you have to share about your life and ask about theirs. And sometimes you have to be direct because I think we all shy away from dumping too much on friends, or try to focus on the positive.


The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations. True friends love and appreciate each other just the way they are.


So take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most. Seriously, when you come out the other side of a difficult period in your life, look around you. The people still standing beside you are your true friends. 041b061a72


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